real love can handle honesty...

This blog entry is dedicated to a dear friend who has a lot on her heart and mind that she needs to communicate to someone she genuinely loves. How do you go about telling someone your real honest feelings when you are convinced that they are not going to like what you have to say? How do you deal with the continual day in and day out pressure you feel that is best to say nothing at all, yet your true feelings don't go away? What if this daily battle is taking its toll on your body, mind and heart? What if its began to rob you of a quality relationship with God that you once had and the outcome is confusion and a lack of joy? What if the pain that you feel has now outweighed any signs of hope? All of these questions are worthy of real answers.

The truth is, we only hold back our true feelings from the one's we love because of a fear of the outcome. Silence is a form of control, or at least an attempt to control the situation. Both fear and control are not a part of God's plan for our lives or any way to attempt to maintain a quality relationship with another human being. There is only one way to get rid of the fear of the outcome and that is to give up control (or the belief that we have control). Giving up control freed so many people in Scripture. Let's face it, most of life is completely out of our control other than our own personal choices and decisions. We cannot control the choices other people make, but we can control the choices we make. When you give up control and the fear of the outcome, honesty becomes the only road to inner peace and contentment. Fear and control are signs that we are not being honest with ourselves. It is impossible to be honest with others if we are not being honest with ourselves.
Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your paths." His ways are not our ways! Our way is usually always motivated by fear and control, and then everyone gets hurt in the end. God's way begins with trust, our trust in Him!

Think about it with me. Real love can handle honesty. We know this to be true in our relationship with God. Most of us will have conversations, blow ups and tantrums with God that we would never have with someone else that we love. Why is that? Our relationships here on earth are meant to reflect a good healthy relationship with God. When God speaks to us by His Spirit and in and through his Word, He doesn't tell us what we want to hear, He tells us what we need to hear. Isn't that how real loving relationships should be?

What have you been holding back, maintaining silence, in a relationship with someone you love? Let go of your fear of the outcome and your attempt to control the outcome through silence and love this person enough to be honest with yourself and them! If their love for you and your love for them is real, the honest truth will be received. It may not be liked, and perhaps at first rejected, but in the end, your relationship will be stronger.

Here's some practical advice.....
1. Make sure the timing and setting is right.
2. Write down your thoughts ahead of time in a letter format and read it to your loved one if need be, but at least have it on you for reference as you share openly and honestly.
3. Be ready for acceptance or rejection of what you've shared, but let your loved one respond without you interrupting, realizing that the outcome is out of your control and in the hands of God.
4. Love your loved one no matter how they respond or react.
5. Don't waste any more energy or time worrying about it.
6. Wait on the Lord as your loved one process' the truth.